Gigtips 16
1. The Effect of Effects. I’m talking about their impact on the music scene. Probably the single most influential musical thing to come along in the past three decades, effects pedals, stompboxes, multi fx processors… are so prevalent these days that they should be considered essential gear for ALL of us. I mean, does anyone know a lead player without a wah wah? Yes, I know a couple of ‘em also, and occasionally I’ve seen these cats in need of a sound and they were showing the strain of being without… they might just as well have been standing on stage in their underwear. Poor guys, trying to squeeze out that lead solo and it just wasn’t working. You know, kind of limp sounding. One of the cats finally went out and purchased a processor, the other guy still insists he is great without effects. Which dude do you think is the happier these days? Even the squids among us can sound instantly more professional by using a cool patch. Whether you consider this a good thing or bad thing depends, I suppose, on whether you are a squid or not. I certainly am, and you’ll never catch me playing without a pedal nearby.
Naturally, there are also negative aspects to effects. They take us another step away from the animal and towards the technical. I mean, who needs a second lead guitarist when the dual lead solo can be done with one player and an intelligent harmonizer? Who needs to switch guitars when there is an acoustic six or twelve string just a tap dance away? Who needs Billy Gibbons when there is a patch called ZZ Thang? I know I’ve made my point clear; we all need to see and hear the real thing at least once in a while. I truly miss seeing two lead guitarists trading licks across the stage. I love to watch performers swap axes and then struggle for the first few measures afterwards. When I listen to ZZ Top, I wanna hear a real overdriven tube amp, not some cheezy imitation.
Most of us would acknowledge that an effects processor can give some good instant gratification, but the real value of a pedal comes with time and experience. We are now able to fine tune our sound for each song and then hit it right on the nose every night thereafter. Keep in mind that delicate tweaking for that special sound requires patience and a bit of self dicipline. Nothing sounds worse than too much of an effect. Or that same effect all night long. On the other hand, a little chorus or flange (among others) can wash through many tunes during the night without being an annoyance. Notice the words “a little”.
If you are determined to be a purist without a pedal, you have my most sincere admiration of your dedication to the minimalist style. Just be sure to go on stage in some clean underwear.
2. Spankmon’s Poisons. **Don’t rush the song. Playing songs too fast is probably the single most common mistake bands make. Even the pro’s do it. It’s got something to do with the excitement of the moment; the adrenalin factor. If you count down the intro verbally (one, two, three, four), take a tip from Lawrence Welk (seriously). Slow down the tempo slightly by adding the word “and”. Slow it down even more by adding the words “and a”. Like this (a one, and a two, and a three, etc.). How do you know if you’re rushing the tempo? The singer can’t seem to get the words out of his mouth on time. The lead guitarist finishes his solo five beats too late. The band completes four hours worth of tunes before the second set is over. When played at the correct tempo, most songs FEEL too slow on stage. This is an illusion caused by the excitement of the moment. **Don’t play the song too slow; that’s worse than rushing it. I truly doubt it will ever happen to you. **Don’t wear a puzzled look on your face, even if you are completely lost. Audiences feel more loved when you exhibit self confidence. **Don’t throw your guitar on the floor. Your axe did not make you play badly. It deserves no punishment. If you disagree, slap it once or twice to teach it a lesson. **Don’t ingore the ugly ones. They also paid to get in and are equally deserving of your flirtatious eyes and sensual gyrations. **Don’t wear shades if you’re looking good tonight. Do wear shades if you look like hell tonight. There should always be at least one band member whose eyes are exposed. If all of you are looking like hell, go get some exercise. **Don’t forget to turn off the volume on your acoustic guitar when you place it back on its stand. If you don’t, it will initiate feedback during the next song and the band will become a slapstick comedy in its attempts to locate the howl. **Don’t forget to show some respect for the help. Tip the people who serve your drinks, especially if your drinks are free (yes there are still free drinks for the band… sometimes). **Don’t keep changing the band’s name after bad gigs. Sooner or later they’ll get wise to your scam. **Don’t argue on stage. That’s probably the single most stupid thing a band could do. Save it for the break, you bunch of sissies.
3. Plan for the broken string. Broken strings happen to the lead guitarist during his lead solo. The first course of action is for the rhythm guitarist to take over the lead break. If that is not possible, your options are to either finish the song minus the lead player or zip right into the band’s break song. Every band has a break song, right? The one thing you do not do is stop the song abruptly. Since a broken string is unlikely to destroy an entire gig, it’s safe to replace the string then repeat the tune to show the audience how it was supposed to be…. or just move on with the show and forget about it. It is often the small things that identify your band as truly professional. Things like how easily you recover from broken strings, dropped beats or collapsing drum stools.
Random wtf - "When due process fails us, we really do live in a world of terror." - JC Denton